When I first started at 1116 SEN radio in Melbourne, I did a 30-minute segment that was unimaginatively titled "Only In America." Although we eventually got into some good conversations about US sport, the initial brief was to discuss those enigmatic, self-centred players and crazy, quirky events that seemed to only occur in the Land of the Free and the Home of the (Atlanta) Braves.

We talked about Terrell Owens and his creative touchdown celebrations. There was Chad Ochocinco. There were steroid-juiced baseball players and gun-toting basketball players. We even had a hockey player bad- mouthing his ex-girlfriend at a press conference.

Fast forward to 2010. On the eve of a two-week trip back to the US, the shoe seems to be on the other foot.

In the States right now, we've got a traditional Lakers v Celtics matchup in the NBA Finals, and even goofy Ron Artest is behaving himself. The Stanley Cup will most likely be won by one of the Original Six clubs, the Chicago Blackhawks. Baseball's best pitcher, Roy Halladay, threw a perfect game, and its best hitter, Albert Pujols, blasted three home runs in one game. On the whole, things are relatively normal.

Meanwhile, let's review what's happened in the AFL in the past few days:

*Jason Akermanis, a guy who's always been a loudmouthed egomaniac, "stuns" the football community by writing a column that encourages gay players to remain in the closet, lest they upset the delicate balance in the locker room. The Western Bulldogs, well aware of the massive media load Akermanis was carrying, not to mention that he tends to shoot from the hip, mismanage the whole affair, and finally suspend him for four weeks from footy and three weeks (how did they decide that?) from media commitments.

*Caroline Wilson reports in The Age that Channel Nine are preparing a massive bid for the next AFL television rights. One of the keys to their pitch is a weekly game on Monday nights. When asked if he's worried that Monday crowds will suffer after footy on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, Nine bigwig Jeff Browne allegedly claims the network is unconcerned about low attendance. In fact, the geniuses at Channel Nine have a plan. They'll simply enhance poor crowds with "digital technology," replacing empty seats with faux fans.

*A week after his coach questions his loyalty, Gary Ablett Jr apparently decides not to address his future until the end of the season. Ablett has remained silent for most of the year, as has his manager, Liam Pickering, except when he's co-hosting a radio show on SEN, serving as a panelist on Fox Sports or calling games on the same network.

*Team Greater Western Sydney, the AFL's 18th club, signs rugby league superstar Israel Folau to a four-year deal reportedly worth more than $1 million per year. Folau has never played footy before, and while a terrific athlete, could be a very expensive marketing exercise.

And finally, to top it all off, the Fremantle Dockers are tied for first place, just behind Geelong on percentage.

Only in Australia I say.