"One out of three ain't bad."

Perhaps Meatloaf should have sung those lyrics last Saturday because that's certainly an apt description of the last three Grand Final pregame acts. Only the hastily arranged Lionel Richie - who played at the 2010 replay - could be considered a success.

Last weekend's performance was a debacle, with a sweaty, out-of-tune Meatloaf braying through a tinny sound system. AFL boss Andrew Demetriou tried to defend Mr. Loaf (Mr. Meat?) by saying "he gave it his best," but the reality is that it's time for a change. The AFL needs to take a long, hard look at what it's actually trying to achieve with this Grand Final pregame entertainment package.

First of all, I do admit that it is difficult to select an entertaining and affordable performer who appeals to a broad cross-section of fans. We're talking about more than 90,000 people of different ages and socio-economic backgrounds. Some have come for the footy. Some have come for the free food and drinks. All have differing tastes.

But I'm also reminded of the old marketing adage: in trying to appeal to everyone, you risk appealing to no one. That pretty much happened on Saturday.

Of course, there were other factors at work besides Meatloaf's rapidly disappearing vocal range and the appalling sound mix. Having the performers stashed away in a corner of the MCG rather than in the middle of the field makes it all seem distant and irrelevant when you're at the ground. I was seated in the stands and honestly had to have someone point out where the stage was.

In addition, Grand Final day has become so corporate that many people choose to remain at their own behind-glass functions rather than venture to their seats to listen. The section I was sitting in was maybe half full when Meatloaf started cranking out the "hits."

The real problem, however, lies with the AFL's obsession with everything American; in this case, the apparent desire to emulate the Super Bowl. But Meatloaf is not Bruce Springsteen, INXS is not the Rolling Stones and Lionel Richie - as good as he was - is not Prince. It's just not possible or practical to hire a big-name American star as the centerpiece of the pregame.

Personally, I think it's time to forget the "cultural cringe" and focus on making the day a celebration of Australian sport. Aussie Rules isn't played anywhere else in the world, so why worry about getting entertainment from outside the country?

That doesn't mean we open the door to every "X-Factor" or "Australia's Got Talent" contestant with a decent voice. And you can't throw an unknown band out there just because they're from Fitzroy or Brunswick.

But how about Mark Seymour doing "Holy Grail?" Why not Paul Kelly belting out "Leaps and Bounds?" I'm guessing Jimmy Barnes would bring down the house with a version of "Khe Sanh."

And maybe it's time the AFL swallowed its pride and brought back "Up There Cazaly" and "One Day In September." Demetriou defended last year's replay with the word "tradition." That seems to have gone out the window when it comes to the entertainment.

The bottom line is that people want to hear tunes they know and can sing. That's why Richie worked. Sure he wasn't hip, but people were happy to sing along to "All Night Long."

I have yet to meet someone who goes to a Grand Final purely for the pregame entertainment. It's meant to be a bonus, an addition to the already electric atmosphere. Unfortunately, the only electricity last weekend was provided by Geelong.

AFL Grand Final entertainment options

Leave it as it is: Continue to court washed-up American stars who are happy to come out here for a decent payday, a room at the Crown and a feed at Vue de Monde. Anybody got a number for Boz Scaggs?

Go all Aussie: Just bite the bullet and get legendary Australian performers like Paul Kelly, John Farnham and Jimmy Barnes to do it every year. Augment this with other Aussie stars or young acts on the rise.

Move it to halftime: Forget the singers and let the pregame be about the celebration of footy and the legends who played the game. Shift the singers to halftime and tell them to keep it short and sweet.

Suck it up and pay the big bucks: Quit half-arseing it. Take some of the billion dollars from the television deal and persuade Justin Timberlake or Lady Gaga to come out and play.