What do you call an Australian who can handle a bat?

A vet.

What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?

A laughing stock.

The Australian bobsleigh team want to ask Aussie cricket team for their advice about going downhill so fast ...

What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?

A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.

Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day?

Andrew Strauss called correctly and straight away said to Ricky Ponting: "You lads can bat.''Just as quick, Ponting replied: "No, we can't. We really can't."

Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?

The woman who irons their cricket whites.

What's the definition of optimism?

An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?

To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he's heading out to the middle.

His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!" (Quite funny circa 1975).

What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?

Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?

The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?

Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?

The entire Australian innings.

What's the Australian version of LBW?

Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?

Because he can get out without even trying.

What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?

A bat.

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians?

A vacant lot.

Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?

Because they can't spell beer.

Why can't Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?

They eat all the grass.

What does an Australian batsman playing in The Ashes have in common with (the late) Michael Jackson?

They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

OK, that's enough very bad jokes. Ed.