Dear New Zealand cricket,

Circumstances dictate I owe you an apology.

Before the recently completed series against Australia began, I predicted that you would suffer a whitewash. I described you as ‘rubbish.'

After Australia took the first Test in Brisbane I wrote that your performance was ‘woeful.'

A quarter of the way through the second Test I had little option but to expand on your ‘embarrassing' failings.

As things turn out, Australia happens to be marginally more embarrassing, for which I was unprepared, and duly apologise.

You deserve to revel in your seven-run success, your first over Australia in 18 years and first in Australia in 26.

You deserve to celebrate that it was accomplished with a cumulative total of just 376 runs and an individual top score of 56.

You deserve to lampoon and ridicule your Australian opponents for their gutless ineptitude.

I hope you are laughing at how brainless your opponents batted in their second innings. Australians who witnessed the collapse from 2/159 to 223 all out are. Our laughter is slightly more manic and menacing, but we're laughing all the same.

I hope Doug Bracewell, the preeminent performer in a match drowning in mediocrity, cherishes his lack of a man of the match award. His snub was the final affront of an insultingly short series.

I hope this result restores some confidence and consistency to international cricket in New Zealand. Recent performances did not leave me cause for much optimism but it is now clear there are some talented young cricketers to build a side around.

I would finally like to thank you for providing the humiliating tipping point in the development of Australian cricket. For too long we have assumed 'she'll be right.' That Ricky Ponting will return to form, that Phil Hughes will not be caught behind square and that Brad Haddin will play something other than his natural game. We could accept defeat to the Poms or South Africa or India, because they are quite good. We cannot accept, nor should we accept, defeat to New Zealand.

Thanks to your bowling attack's self-belief there will soon be decisions made without the handicap of history or obligation to underperformance.

Here's to your next 18-year wait.

Sincerely

Jonathan