Go Storm!

Normally those words, uttered in my household, would attract a penalty of having all past and future hospitality withdrawn, plus 19 weeks in the naughty room.

But it struck me like a thunderbolt, as I watched Melbourne defeat the Warriors in front of that MASSIVE crowd of 23,000 on Sunday, that we should all be declaring, like JFK at the Brandenburg Gate: Ich bin ein Sturmfan!

It's easy to understand. You barrack for whichever team poses less threat to your team. In 2010, Melbourne poses zero threat. They win every remaining game? Still zero.

So for all games this season, except when they play my team, I'll be cheering for Cam, Billy, GI, Cronkypants and all those terrific comrades in purple. Do your worst, boys. Wreak havoc on all of our rivals. Cause season-ending injuries. Suck the life out of premiership challenges. Expose the predictability of attack plans, the skinniness of left-side defences and all those quivering jellies under the high ball. Go Storm!

You might think it would be easier to cheer for Melbourne on game days if they accepted their punishment like men, admitted they had cheated and taken, as Dr Rob prescribed, their medicine. You might think they'd be more likeable if they showed a little humility instead of slow-waltzing side-by-side into press conferences like some schoolboy fantasy of Clash of the Titans.

But no! A team worth cheering for is a team of prima donnas and spoilt brats, a team of innocents, a team that can somehow recreate reality in their minds so that the massive scam they have pulled on the rest of the league is, wait for it, a crime against themselves. That's why we love our team: because everyone else hates them.

So yeah, Cam and your nice car and nice house - you're a victim in all this. Billy, don't pawn your Rolex - you're a victim too. GI with your brown paper bags - you won those premierships fair and square. It was never your fault, Bellyache, you never knew, you just went out and coached your team. Remember, they can take away your points but they can't take your dignity and they can't take away your right to cry like babies. You've all been wronged, kids, now go out there and stick it up the bastards!

Now it looks like Dr Rob's trying to have his stomach pumped to bring the medicine back up. The Storm want to challenge their penalties. They want to take massive pay cuts to stick together (um, maybe, yeah, let me check with my agent on that, you never know what the future holds ...) That's what we love about our new second-favourite team: they're bold, they're brave, and they're bigger than the league. All they need is to bring Arjuna Ranatunga on board as their new CEO, and if they don't get their way they'll tear the whole house of cards down with them.

Go Storm! You arrogant pack of whingeing cheating cry-babies! All for one and one for all! You're a real footy team now!