THE other day, I went to the launch of the National Rugby League's Rivalry Round. It kicks off Friday night with South Sydney playing St George Illawarra and Gold Coast taking on Brisbane.

The idea of the Rivalry Round is to capitalise on long-standing hatred between clubs.

Three players at the launch, when asked about the history between their teams, told host MC Tristan Hay "well, that's in the past".

HELLO? Has anyone explained to you why you are here, wearing your footy gear like a kid at registration day in a room full of people dressed like adults?

Some people say the Rivalry Round, coming after the Women In League Round and the Heritage Round, is a Round too far.

I disagree.

I would like to see every round named after some obscure cause, under-recognised minority or contrived theme. Here's the veritable marketing gold mine awaiting the NRL:

Sponsor: McDonalds. Patron: Julia Gillard.

THE MEN-IN-LEAGUE ROUND: The anti-discrimination commission has ruled the Women In League Round illegal unless the unfairer sex is properly recognised. Teenagers with facial hair admitted free, cheerleaders compulsory, urinals placed on the sideline. Players compete for ‘worst body odour' award.

Sponsor: Bunnings Warehouse. Patron: Harry Hardman.

THE GAYS-IN-LEAGUE ROUND: A special trophy which portrays Arthur Summons and Norm Provan embracing more passionately is struck for the best team this weekend. A double-header at the SFS concludes with the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras parade marching into the ground, doing a lap and finishing in the tunnel. Kylie Minogue performs the theme song to a video compilation of shirtless stars in the gym. Five thousand dollars to charity for every player who comes out in the preceding week.

Sponsor: DNA Magazine. Patrons: Ian Roberts and Gareth Thomas.

'REFORMED BAD BOYS' IN LEAGUE ROUND: One for all the family. Teams are pitted against each other according to the offences their players have committed. Wes Naiqama and Josh Dugan, with their driving offences, should make the Knights-Raiders tussle a beauty! And when the Roosters take on the Warriors in the drunken misadventures derby, keep an eye on Jake Friend and Brett Seymour. All post-match curfews abandoned. The bronze Schlossy's Shoe trophy to the most naughty player of the weekend.

Sponsor: NSW Police. Patron: John Elias.

.... and, in light of yesterday's developments, how could we forget ....

THE SALARY CAP ROUND: This will just get bigger and bigger. Warriors v Bulldogs, Storm v Canberra (twenty years ago they broke the cap - one with two viking horns glued to the top). Teams will play for boats, plasma TVs and gift vouchers. The players will all, of course, be unaware they are playing in the salary cap round.

Sponsor: Deloitte. Patron: Brian Waldron.