IT stands to reason that the more written about rugby league in the off-season, the more will turn out to be hopelessly wrong.

In the old days, a football hack could get drunker than a premiership captain on grand final night, stagger up to the naming of the Kangaroos squad the next day and then cruise through a tour of the north of England before retiring to the nearest beach until March. (I'm not naming names here...)

But these days players' nocturnal activities during the summer months are of such interest that sports editors are restricting reporters to their Orwellian industry-wide limit of six weeks and three days' vacation. Oh, the humanity....

So while once upon a time we went into round one with a couple of idle preconceptions (Peter Sterling is a good player, Greg Hartley is a showpony, Canberra will come last), these days we have one for almost every set of six tackles.

And after just one round, most of them gone the way of recreational drugs on a mirror when you sneeze instead of snort.

1. SOUTHS HAVE RECRUITED AMAZINGLY AND MAY WIN THE COMP

They'll be lucky to win chook raffle. The chooks certainly had the better of their first encounter for the year. Sam Burgess and Dave Taylor looked brilliant but flawed and, most of all, their play appeared one-dimensional and bone-headed against the intellectually-elevated and sprightly Sydney Roosters. When we say back to the drawing board, we are talking about one big enough to trace crop circles on.

2. NEWCASTLE MIGHT AS WELL GO INTO BUSINESS AS A DRUG CARTEL BECAUSE THEY'RE WASTING THEIR TIME THIS YEAR AS A FOOTBALL TEAM

The Bulldogs lifting their hind legs on the Crazy, Crazy Knights was one living certainty this weekend. Newcastle had captain Kurt Gidley on the sidelines while "starting the season on a high" had allegedly been misunderstood as a concept by Danny Wicks and Chris Houston. But they raced to a 16-0 lead on the way to beating the Bulldogs at Homebush on Saturday night, helped by the fact Michael Ennis' range of hilarious impressions does not include a convincing Hazem El Masri.

3 PARRAMATTA WILL PICK UP WHERE THEY LEFT OFF LAST SEASON AND LEAVE EVERYONE FOR DEAD

Jarryd Hayne couldn't even pick up the ball on Friday night - on account of Jamie Soward kicking it towards one hill or another. It ended up out-of-bounds so often that Timana Tahu must have thought he was still in rugby union. One of '09 boom teams St George Illawarra and the Eels was always going to kick on and the other was going to splutter a little. No prizes now for guessing which is which.

4. GOLD COAST HAVE BUILT UP WELL AND WILL THREATEN FOR THE TITLE WITH GREG BIRD ON BOARD.

Greg was do disappointed with his performance against the Warriors that he reportedly flew the coop without uttering a single word to waiting Bird-watchers. Against a team less accomplished in the art of reverse comebacks, the Titans would have opened their season with a loss at home. Their game against South Sydney on Friday kicks off at the unusual time of 8.30pm. See item No.1 for why you should think twice about venturing to Homebush at that ungodly hour.

5. THE WARRIORS RECRUITED POORLY (IF AT ALL?) AND MAY COME LAST

Among their best at Skilled Park was the halves combination of newbies James Maloney and Brett Seymour. Manu Vatuvei looked like anything but the ‘clumsy klutz' of past years - until the dying minutes, anyway. At that stage the Warriors' proud history of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory kicked in. They may still finish last - but after losing 10 games on the bell by three or fewer points, rather than being flogged repeatedly due to their lack of personnel.

6. LOTE TUQIRI IS TOO OLD, TOO HEAVY AND SPENT TOO LONG AS A KICK-AND-CLAPPER TO MAKE ANY IMPACT WITH WESTS TIGERS

Scored against Manly with his first touch in the fourth minute of Monday Night Football. Tigahs! Roared into the clear in the second half and showed surprising pace, being labelled "a dreadlocked Wendell Sailor with a smaller arse" by Benji Marshall afterwards.

7. MANLY WILL BE RUDDERLESS WITHOUT MATT ORFORD AND IT WILL BE YEARS BEFORE THE OVERCOME THE DRAMAS OF LAST YEAR.

So anyway, the Eagles score 22 unanswered points following Tuqiri's first rugby league try in seven years and lead by 18 with 22 minutes left at Sydney Football Stadium. Reports of their death etc, etc, ad nauseum.

8. UM, ER WESTS TIGERS WILL LOSE THEN- BECAUSE THEY TRAIL BY 18 POINTS WITH 22 MINUTES TO GO.

Blake Ayshford, Liam Fulton and Gareth Ellis score consecutive tries and Tim Sheens' men register the first Great Escape of the season. Brett Stewart suffers a potentially serious knee injury (refer to point 7 and add detail).

Yes, the final game of the season disproved three myths, one of which only actually emerged during the match! As a Facebook friend a barely know said in a status update earlier today, "I am in love with rugby league. Anyone fancy a threesome?"