Invictus, the rugby movie about Australia's quarter-final exit at the 1995 World Cup which tips its hat to South Africa's best ever player, Nelson Mandela, didn't set the box office ablaze, but there's a rumour it had a profound impact on one of its stars.

I've been told by someone quite reputable that Matt Damon is a rather good and sensible fella. Another person, less credible, but a lot more fun, insists the actor is a complete rugby convert and is even entertaining the idea of pulling on the boots.

"Trouble is," the source slurred between sips, "he's been having trouble finding a ...."

The source fell off the bar stool at that stage and had to be escorted back to the Sydney Roosters training session.

But the seed had been planted and with the steely conviction and dedication of a faceless middle-aged man with nothing better to do, I set about finding the two-time Oscar winner a club. Initial inquiries by your correspondent seemed to suggest there was hope.

Born and raised in the Boston area, Damon obviously qualifies for the US Eagles but through ancestry he's also got Scottish, Swedish and Finnish opportunities.

The Poms meanwhile, are usually happy to take anyone from anywhere and potentially at least, he's an easy sell to the Italians as he has their skill set - can't pass, catch or run, but looks awfully good.

The French, initially, were a little standoff-ish: "pfff American bourgeois-whore!" according to French spokesman Jean-Luc Godard, "yet, if he plays nude, abandons convention and ignores the cameras, perhaps ..."

Nevertheless, in the end, I came up short. At 39 years of age, Damon was declared too young to play for England. The Scots were interested, but rugby trails washing you hair as a spectator sport in Scotland these days and officials were concerned they wouldn't be able to afford to buy him boots.

The Scandinavian countries sensibly dismissed him as a player not up to their standards while the Americans were enthused, but let's face it, who wants to play rugby for the US?

The Italians and French feigned interest then went to an exceptionally long lunch.

What to do, what to do? I can't let Matt Damon down, he looks like my nephew and he made that video with Sarah Silverman.

Hmm, maybe, just maybe.

The guy identifying himself as an Australian rugby spokesman got back to me after clearing out all the patrons from the nightclub and picking up all the empty vials in the toilets.

"Yes," he said, "Robbie Deans (actually, he called him John, but it was terribly late), wants to meet with Matt (actually he called him Ben, but it was REALLY late now)."

Just as I'd suspected. Damon at about 5ft 8in and 155 pounds is a perfect fit for the new lightweight Aussie team.

"Don't suppose Robbie would give Kylie Minogue a run?" I joked.

"Don't be stupid mate, the spokesman said, "She can't kick to save her life and we've got at least three players we'd consider before looking at her.

"Love the new album though. Really."

We had a quick yarn about a couple of other prospects: Tom Cruise at 5ft 5in or something would be a neat fit in the midfield - the opposition would hardly notice him - but he's also displayed an impressive vertical leap jumping on Oprah's couch, so lineout duty may not be beyond him. Mel Gibson (an imposing 5ft 9-ish) was discussed as having the potential to bring Van Humphries-like elocution skills to the squad, but let's face it, you don't want people THAT angry on a rugby field.

No, it was Matt's bulk and brain they thirsted.

Unfortunately, it was not to be, though Damon looked terrific at training.

But the gunmetal Armani suit and Berluti shoes and accessories were not enough.

Apparently, Matt Giteau felt a bit threatened and wouldn't talk to him. Luke Burgess seemed nice and kept throwing the ball in his general direction, but in the end, Damon thought the scrum half was taking the piss because the passes always went over his head.

James O'Connor made a good first impression, agreeing to pose for a photo with Damon (and signing it: "To Matt, Best for the futcha, JOC"). But the 19-year-old got all huffy and headed straight for his trailer when someone said they preferred the American's hairstyle.

In the end, Deans bid Damon a reluctant farewell and prepared to face the media ahead of what could be a disastrous Tri-Nations campaign: "We will try and match them physically," the New Zealander said, without laughing. "But I can only work with what I've got."