A ‘matta of national honour

Look, I'm a fan of Quade Cooper, not in the starry-eyed sense but in the conviction that he is the missing link that can transform the Wallabies into an unpredictable, line-breaking, chink-opening team capable of winning the World Cup. I saw enough of the Queensland Reds earlier in the year to know that when Cooper is given carte blanche to create mayhem with the razzle-dazzle - and more importantly, when he has the support players around him who can anticipate his eccentric ways - he represents a fearsome attacking weapon for Australian rugby, which is not overly endowed with such options. Which is why I would be saddened if he were lost to the NRL's Parramatta. The Australian Rugby Union would want to follow precedent in its pay offers and would not want to upset hierarchies in its squad, but it also has to recognise the brilliance - and yes, the baggage - that Cooper brings to the table. He would be a big loss to the Wallabies.

Two weeks to get out of the doghouse

Statements - and big ones - were made by Collingwood, Geelong and St. Kilda at the weekend. Hawthorn and Sydney might argue, too, that they also made one. But conventional wisdom dictates that the AFL premier will come from the top four, which raises the obvious question: are the Bulldogs shot for 2010? How does Rodney Eade put the pieces back together in just a fortnight? The Bulldogs' best football is good enough to compete with anybody, but when they don't bring that, they can look very brittle. They simply could not get their hands on the ball for long periods against Geelong, they panicked and it went from bad to worse. A big question mark hangs over Tom Williams in key defence and if Brian Lake is off the boil, as he was on Saturday, that stretches them close to breaking point. Of all the contenders in 2010, the Western Bulldogs is the team that needs absolutely everything to be going right - and the club would be haunted by its recent history of frailty in finals. In 2008 the Dogs hit the MCG for their first final strangely tentative, and were dismantled by eventual premier Hawthorn. Although they recovered to beat Sydney in the second-semi final, their season was ended by Geelong in a preliminary final. 2009 was eerily similar, with the side again not looking adequately switched-on in the first quarter of its first final, and despite settling into the game, inaccuracy eventually cost them a real chance to beat Geelong. Again, the Dogs recovered poise by thrashing Brisbane in their second final, before falling agonisingly short of St Kilda in a preliminary. The Dogs have to look back to 2006 for a finals series in which they started well, memorably burning Collingwood in the elimination final with electrifying pace. The coach says he believes they can win a flag; the group says it believes it too; but it's all in the mind from here on. The Dogs' problem is twofold: how to turn around that 17-goal gap from Saturday night; and secondly, given some of the dangerous floaters that are in the lower half of the finals draw, to be well aware that the first quarter of its first final requires everything and the kitchen sink to be thrown into the game.

Plotters busted planning to steal priceless relic

I would love to be a fly on the wall at the Ashes Summit in Melbourne this week, where Ricky Ponting and Michael Clarke will lay out their dossier of plans for the regaining of the Ashes this summer. What is most fascinating about the upcoming Ashes series is the complete change in the psychological relationship between Australia and England. The English appear to have taken the upper hand and are prepared to trash-talk the Australians: whereas in 2006, they arrived in Australia almost disbelieving that they held the urn. Quite simply they now think they have the Australians' measure: and we cannot complain about that, because in 2009 we played as if we agreed. It's an opening for Australia that the English are so cocky, because it could all spiral away for them if we can put them under the right pressure. I hope that the mantra that emerges from Cricket Australia's summit is a preparedness to change things if they are not working: with selection, with the bat in hand, with bowling changes and field placements. Above all, I hope that it is made clear to the captain that if members of his team cannot bowl where they have to bowl, or cannot make runs when the team needs them, mateship and team continuity go out the window, and new people who can do those things get brought in. We cannot carry passengers at any stage this summer.

Lucky we're at AAMI

AAMI Park is a magnificent addition to Melbourne's sporting precinct, with undreamt-of comforts for players and spectators, but it is yet to produce an A-League win for its tenants. Melbourne Heart had the excuse of first-game nerves in its AAMI Park debut, but Victory had no such extenuating circumstance. At least Victory (and the A-League) will be happy that 20,000-plus people turned up on Saturday night, almost twice the crowd Heart had drawn. The Heart crowds will likely improve as more people realise that they want to be Heart fans: it is strange talking to people who knew as soon as the new team was announced that they wanted to support it, and to others who are still Victory fans but wavering, and to others still who already "hate" the red-and-white. Victory, too, will want to increase its attendances, but is not yet in a position team-wise to play the kind of attack-oriented football that puts bums on seats. Rumours of a South American signing abound, and injured pair Archie Thompson and Robbie Kruse will return, but it will be some time before Victory fans get to see a full suite of attacking options supporting the lonely Mate Dugandzic up forward and the dead-ball artistry of Carlos Hernandez.

Sometimes, nothing is a real cool hand

I think this is one of the most devious misinformation tactics I've seen in sport. Melbourne Storm captain Cameron Smith willingly admits that his team is struggling to find the motivation to play out the season: he says the team is "looking forward to the end of the year" and "everyone's saying just three to go." And yet the Storm keep beating teams with finals aspirations. South Sydney was the latest team to turn up at AAMI Park with a lot more to play for, but like Canberra and Penrith before it, get beaten by a supposedly going-through-the-motions Storm. Storm has won four in a row at AAMI Park and has Cronulla and Newcastle to come at home, with a visit to Wests Tigers in between. Of these, Newcastle could still come to Melbourne in the final round needing to win to play finals. By then I expect Cameron Smith to be talking about how "the boys are just happy to know that there's only one of these hard, unrewarding slogs to get through," while of course secretly burning to beat the Knights. Smith can claim that he is merely telling it how it is, but it's actually a brilliant dark-arts strategy, putting doubt in the opposition's minds not only now - but next year, when it does mean something. All of Storm's Melbourne victims - in fact any team it has beaten, anywhere - will be thinking next year: "we couldn't even beat these blokes last year when they were dragging themselves to the game just to pick up their pay-cheques." George Smiley would love it, Cameron.