Hey, let's get Suzie the waitress in to serve the Waratahs before they take on the Blues in the Super 15 playoff in Auckland. 

She did a great job poisoning the 1995 All Blacks prior to the World Cup final according to then New Zealand coach Laurie Mains, perhaps she could do the same to the ‘Tahs. 

Stick with me here: it's not that I want to see the NSW squad laid low by illness, it's more that I think we all recognise now that the Waratahs perform best when they are absolutely up against it. 

When all hope is lost they actually pull the plug on over-thinking and over-cooking a game plan and just go for it, sometimes with sublime results. 

Let's face it, they learned nothing from the last couple of years when they played like Harry Highpants for the bulk of the season, only to throw caution to the wind and very nearly pull off the impossible towards the end. 

This year is no different. Boasting a star-studded line-up, they started off insisting they were going to be adventurous. Yet they quickly shut up shop and opted to play cautiously, alienating fans faster than Mel Gibson. 

Coming to the end of the regular season they were playing to 13 people in the rain with a bunch of players from grade or subbies or something replacing injured Wallabies and veterans. And what do they do? Inspired by the impro-king, Kurtley Beale, they play out of their skins. 

Now, going into the Blues match, everything looks to be set up perfectly for the Waratahs. They have only won once at Eden Park over 81 years and no NSW side has won an offshore Super Rugby playoff. Add to that, they have 12 frontline players missing from the squad. 

And we're not talking about old hands whose experienced will be "sorely missed" - these dozen absentees leave a very large talent vacuum in certain positions. Among them, the irreplaceable Tatafu Polota-Nau, Wallabies Luke Burgess, Berrick Barnes, Cliff Palu and Drew Mitchell; their form backrower Ben Mowen, veteran Al Baxter and playmaker Daniel Halangahu. 

Man, who needs Suzie. 

The good news is Beale is playing. That's about it. 

Coach Chris Hickey will bring him up into the playmaker role at 10. That sacrifices the room to move Beale has been revelling in from fullback, but he undoubtedly is in rare touch. 

The Blues will target him - seek to crowd him, to blunt his brilliance and certainly make him do a mountain of defensive work. 

The Waratahs‘ ambition must be to provide Beale with a platform by at least gaining parity with their patchwork forward pack against the potentially lethal Aucklanders. 

NSW, as Queensland has done this season with Quade Cooper, must bite hook, line and sinker into the game Beale wants to play. 

The Blues like to be expansive and have the capacity to implode, but if the Waratahs go in with blinkers trying to play a messy game to frustrate the New Zealanders they will be trounced - they simply don't have the firepower. 

In the buildup to the match, Phil Waugh, the inspirational Waratahs leader, obviously seeking to inspire his band of no-names and wannabes, opted to confirm he would retire at the end of this season which could be in misery after an 80 minute flogging at Eden Park. 

Let's hope not. Instead, how about we envision the ultimate NSW late season effort? 

Down 30-0 after 15 minutes, the shell-shocked Waratahs, playing with just six fit forwards throw caution to the wind against the rampant Blues. Beale cuts them to pieces setting up tries for several guys who've never scored at club level, let along in Super footy. 

Then, seconds from the end with the Waratahs behind by four, Beale grubber kicks, regains, dummies, steps off his right and sends part-time security guard and Manly Marlins hooker Elvis Taione hurtling towards the line. 

(For the sake of dramatic impact, please imagine this last sequence in slow motion). Elvis - wide eyed, legs pumping - pictures he's chasing a thief at Warringah Mall: he outruns Luke McAlister who stumbles over his own enormous thighs: there's one man left to beat -- Daniel Braid comes across in cover, but Elvis bumps him and yells: "should have stayed with the Reds, Braid". 

Over the line and the Waratahs win. Waugh gets at least one more game, Elvis gets head hunted to another, bigger suburban shopping mall and NSW vows to run the ball at all costs for the rest of this season and next (which they don't do until they are about to miss the playoffs).