Many a hack footballer throughout the ages has heard those sanctimonious words barked at them from disapproving old farts as they stepped out on to the pitch with their socks dangling round their ankles and their shirt flapping in the breeze.

For The Socceroos heading to the FIFA 2010 World Cup in South Africa they sure as hell better know how to play decent football because the new shirt they'll be wearing (unveiled by Nike earlier this week) is a podium finisher in the Football fashion atrocity stakes.

Rather than looking like a couple of gun Footballers ready to take on the world, veteran defender Craig Moore and young sensation Tommy Oar looked like they'd crawled through a St.Vinnies bin and scored a couple of vintage late 70's polyester polo shirts. It's the type of shirt last scene on the set of "Cop Shop". Or maybe you could still find it being worn by beer bellied old blokes at the Dapto dogs. I wouldn't be surprised if it is scratch and sniff.

It's not the first polyester vomit smock the Socceroos have worn over the journey, and it's certainly not the worst one ever worn by a team aiming for glory whilst being dressed like Jenny Kee's foot soldiers of the apocalypse. Here's a few of my favourite worst football fashion nightmares.

The Socceroos - Pavement Pizza classic

In the early 90's it seemed that Soccer Australia had dropped the brown acid they warned folks about at Woodstock. This gave us the psychedelic pavement pizza shirt. Maybe it was designed to make the opposition feel nauseous having to look at if for 90 minutes. Certainly, paired with Robbie Slater's ginger scone and Frank Farina's turbo mullet, the Socceroos looked like escapees from Witchypoo's castle from H.R. Puffinstuff.

Hull City 1992 Away Shirt

Sure, our nickname is The Tigers, but do we actually have to look like Tigers? Sadly for the lads from Hull City, back in 1992 the answer was indeed, yes. I'm pretty sure they actually had to play with tails and face paint on as well.

Jorge Campos - Mexican Goalkeeper, 1994

Jorge was the Gerry Garcia of football shirts. The Mexican custodian just loved a bit of tie-dye psychedelic fabric and his Sgt. Pepper moment was at the World Cup in the U.S.A in 1994. Lucy may have been in the sky with Diamonds, But Jorge was between the sticks looking like a cellophane flower - red, yellow and green..

Manchester United 1996 - We Fade to Grey

It takes a lot to unnerve the Voldermort of British Football, Sir Alex Ferguson, but at The Dell in April 1996 Manchester United's ghostly battleship grey away shirt finally got the better of him. Having lost all four previous games wearing the away grey, United found themselves 0-3 down to Southampton at half time. That was enough for Fergie. Off came the death shroud and after half time United played in its 4th kit, a blue and white stripped panel number. For the record, the lost the game 3-1 but went on to win all their remaining fixtures to clinch the title.

Cameroon 2004 - the Africa nation had it - and it was going to flaunt it.

In 2004 the Indomitable Lions began stepping out onto the pitch in a tight, bright body hugging, one piece boulder holder. It certainly showed off their "assets" and made the obviously less well endowed men of the FIFA congress feel a little inadequate.

Cameroon's cause wasn't helped by the fact that two years previous they'd gotten about in a sleeveless number (similar to an AFL jumper), that put their guns on display. Now they were putting their meat and three veg in the shop window. It was too much for FIFA, who even threatened to deduct six points from Cameroon's next World Cup qualifying campaign if they didn't ditch the britches.

Caribou of Colorado

Firstly, this is not some photo shop mock up.

It was the 70's and the USA had gone soccer crazy. It was football meets studio 54, Pele and Bekenbauer meets lady bump. It was crazy arsed penalty shoot outs that started from the half way line and it was the Caribou from Colorado.

They gave a whole new meaning to being a fringe player.

As football aficionado and author  Patrick Mangan told me (check his great new book The Offsider), the Caribou of Colorado had a stadium that could sit 76,000 people. They didn't need it.